9 THOUGHTS ON FRIENDSHIP
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While Sun Tzu is primarily known for his expertise in military strategy through his book "The Art of War," his teachings extend beyond the battlefield and can also provide valuable insights into the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, specifically the significance of friendship. As a renowned figure with exceptional philosophical insights, Sun Tzu's philosophy applied to friendship is just as important as his military tactics, serving as a source of inspiration for individuals seeking to cultivate strong and meaningful connections with others.
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1.1. Sun Tzu wrote that the art of war is not only vital to the survival of a state but a matter of life and death. Neglecting this subject is a dangerous path that can lead to ruin and destruction. It is imperative that we take the time to study and understand the principles of war, for only through this knowledge can we hope to achieve victory and safety.
In this ever-changing and unpredictable world, friendship remains a wealth beyond measure, an essential component of our survival and prosperity. We must not become complacent in our approach to this priceless treasure. Instead, we must focus on cultivating, maintaining, attracting, and embodying the qualities of a true friend.
The journey through adolescence is often the most challenging, but it is crucial to always remain true to oneself. There will be instances of hardship, particularly of isolation and solitude, but the ultimate benefits outweigh the price. By being authentic, we will attract those who share our values and perspectives, and the friends we gain will be genuine and enduring. However, if we notice that people are coming and going from our lives like a revolving door, it may be a sign that we are not being true to ourselves, but rather trying to fit in or conform to someone else's expectations.
We must be wary of fair-weather friends, for they are worthless when the winds of misfortune come knocking. Instead, we should seek out those friends to whom we can turn in times of need, those who will stand by us through thick and thin. It can be challenging to expose our vulnerabilities and weaknesses to others, fearing that it may expose our flaws or unworthiness. But in doing so, we open ourselves up to the strength, healing, and wisdom that comes from leaning on our friends.
The art of making friends and influencing people is a valuable skill that we should all strive to master. And if we are fortunate enough to experience true friendship, we know firsthand the unparalleled joy and fulfillment that it brings. Friendship is not just a social construct or a means to an end, but a deeply enriching experience that adds immeasurable value to our lives.
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11.52 To enter into an alliance with neighbouring princes, we must first be acquainted with their designs. To lead an army on the march, we must be familiar with the face of the country – its mountains, forests, pitfalls, and precipices. To turn natural advantages to account, we must use local guides.
These wise words of Sun Tzu may sound ruthless and calculating, but when applied to the realm of friendship, they hold true. We often wonder why we have such bad luck when it comes to finding true friends, but the answer is simple: we have mistaken acquaintances for friends and failed to see through their façades.
Friendship is not just about helping out someone in need – that's something we do for strangers every day. True friendship is when we know someone, flaws and all, and still want to stand by them. It's when we can disagree and still remain loyal to one another. But the most painful thing is to discover that a friendship is only going one way, that our loyalty is not being reciprocated.
A dictionary may provide a definition of friendship, but it cannot explain what it truly means. The definition of friendship lies in our hearts, in the bond we share with those who know us best. So let us heed Sun Tzu's words and be discerning in our alliances, so that we may find the true friends who will stand by us in good times and bad.
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11.55 Hence he does not strive to ally himself with all and sundry, nor does he foster the power of other states. He carries out his own secret designs, keeping his antagonists in awe. Thus, he is able to capture their cities and overthrow their kingdoms.
As Sun Tzu wrote in "The Art of War," a man does not seek to make alliances with just anyone, nor does he bolster the power of others. Instead, he plots his own course, striking fear into the hearts of his enemies. This is how he captures their cities and overthrows their kingdoms.
Similarly, Aristotle observed more than two millennia ago that "A friend to all is a friend to none." This wisdom holds true to this day, and yet we still need to be reminded of it. Friendship is not a trifling matter; it is like water, which, when in excess, can flood and destroy, and when lacking, can result in drought and death. Friendship should be valued like a canteen of water during a desert crossing, for it sustains and rejuvenates us. Like ice, it can take time to thaw, but even the glaciers eventually give way to the rivers. Like water, it follows the natural contours of the land, flowing into even the tiniest of crevices in the hardest rock.
Acts of friendship are well-timed and well-aimed, sometimes subtle, sometimes bold, sometimes visible, sometimes hidden. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to realize that we have been surrounded by friends all along, without ever truly knowing it.
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9.41 He who exercises no forethought but makes light of his opponents is sure to be captured by them.
In the arena of conflict, there is no greater danger than complacency. The foe who is underestimated, who is viewed as a minor inconvenience, can become the greatest threat of all. The overconfident warrior, who fails to exercise forethought and does not consider the strength of his opponents, will surely fall into their grasp.
In the complex world of human relationships, friendship stands out as a rare and precious commodity that cannot be bought or sold. Like any investment, friendship requires careful assessment and constant attention. We must be wise and discerning in choosing our friends, as well as in nurturing and maintaining those relationships.
Taking a friendship for granted is like ignoring a valuable investment until it loses all value. We may start to assume that our friends will always be there for us, without realizing the time and effort they put into the relationship. It is crucial to acknowledge the value of our friendships and show appreciation for the people in our lives who support and uplift us.
At the same time, investing too much time and energy into a friendship that is not reciprocated or does not serve our best interests can also be damaging. We must be willing to reassess our friendships and make difficult decisions when necessary, just as a wise investor would cut their losses and move on from a failing investment.
By carefully considering the nature of our friendships, we can ensure that we are investing our time and energy into relationships that are meaningful, rewarding, and long-lasting. There are risks involved, but the potential rewards of a true and loyal friendship are immeasurable. It is only through these investments that we can truly appreciate the value of real friendship when it is on offer. A wise investor knows that a good investment requires patience, dedication, and careful management, and the same holds true for a true and lasting friendship.
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9.43 Soldiers must be treated with humanity, for they are human beings with emotions and needs. However, in order to maintain order and achieve victory, they must also be kept under iron discipline. This delicate balance of humanity and discipline is the certain road to success in battle.
In the same way, we approach strangers with polite consideration, granting them the benefit of the doubt until their true nature is revealed. The slow process of building a friendship involves mutual actions, not just words. When both parties reveal their commitment to friendship through their actions, trust, and loyalty can flourish.
But it is important to approach new relationships with caution, not paranoia. Assuming the worst in people and treating them as enemies will only lead to conflict and division. Instead, a healthy dose of skepticism tempered with a willingness to see the best in others can lead to more positive and meaningful relationships.
Like soldiers in battle, we must maintain a delicate balance between humanity and discipline in our relationships. By treating others with respect and keeping our own emotions in check, we can build strong and lasting friendships that will lead us to victory on the battlefield of life.
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10.25 When it comes to soldiers, they are not just pawns in a game of strategy. They are human beings, with lives and families outside of their duty. To truly lead them, one must regard them as your own children, with care and compassion. In doing so, they will follow you into the deepest valleys, and stand by you even unto death.
This same principle can be applied to friendships. We must treat those we hold dear as if they are our own beloved sons or daughters, with a level of care and concern that goes beyond mere acquaintance. This level of commitment and investment can turn acquaintances into true friends, who will stand by us through thick and thin.
However, the term "friend" is not one to be taken lightly. It is not simply a label we apply to anyone we happen to know. A true friend is someone special, someone, who we hold in high regard and trust implicitly. Defining what makes a true friend can be difficult, but it is a journey worth taking. By treating others with the same care and compassion we would show our own children, we can create bonds of friendship that will endure even the toughest challenges.
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10.26 If, however, you are indulgent, but unable to make your authority felt; kind-hearted, but unable to enforce your commands; and incapable, moreover, of quelling disorder: then your soldiers must be likened to spoilt children; they are useless for any practical purpose.
In the world of human relationships, friendship is a powerful force. It can inspire us to acts of selflessness and bravery and sustain us through the most difficult times. But like any force, it must be wielded with care and skill.
To be a true friend, one must understand the value of friendship and treat it as a precious gift. Friendship cannot be taken for granted, nor can it be forced or demanded. It must be earned through acts of kindness, trust, and mutual support. Friendship is forged in fire, in tough times not by length of time.
If someone is overly indulgent and fails to exhibit friend-like behaviour, their friendship can be compared to that of spoiled children - lacking any practical use and unlikely to endure over time.
True friendship is born from effort, sacrifice, and a willingness to put others before oneself. It is not something that can be achieved through mere words or gestures, but rather through shared experiences and mutual growth.
Ultimately, the value of friendship lies in its ability to inspire us to be our best selves and to achieve great things. It is a force that can overcome even the greatest of challenges and one that we should cherish and nurture with all our hearts.
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5.21 The astute strategist knows that the strength of a team lies not in the individual efforts of its members, but in the combined energy they can muster. A wise leader knows how to identify the right people to join their ranks and harness their collective energy for a greater purpose.
Similarly, the true power of friendship lies in the energy that is created when two or more individuals come together in a tested and proven bond of mutual trust and respect. It is not simply the sum of their individual strengths, but something greater that emerges from their connection. Like a powerful army, a strong friendship relies on the combined energy of its members, each contributing their unique talents and qualities to the relationship as a whole.
The bond of friendship is not something that can be easily explained or quantified. It is a force that grows over time, fuelled by shared experiences, mutual support, and a deep sense of connection. When two friends come together, their energy multiplies, creating a powerful force that can overcome even the greatest obstacles. It is this combined energy that gives true power to the bond of friendship and makes it a force to be reckoned with.
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10.24 The ideal leader, who seeks to defend their country and serve their sovereign without a desire for personal glory or fear of failure, is the most valuable asset of the nation.
In the world of friendship, the truest bond lies in doing what needs to be done without any desire for personal gain or glory. Like a general who advances without seeking fame and retreats without fearing disgrace, a friend does what is necessary for their friend without expecting anything in return.
True friends are the jewels of our lives, and we must treasure them as such. It is not something that can be manufactured or bought, but rather something that is earned through time and experience. We must recognize that not everyone is capable of being a true friend, and that is okay. We must accept them for who they are and not hold unrealistic expectations.
In the end, what matters most is the bond of friendship that goes beyond convenience or personal gain. It is a rare and precious gift that should be cherished and nurtured.
In conclusion, life is a journey filled with challenges and opportunities, joys and sorrows. Throughout this journey, we encounter many people, some of whom become our friends. Friendship is not just a social construct, but a deeply enriching experience that adds immeasurable value to our lives. It brings us joy, comfort, and support in times of need, and it helps us grow and become better versions of ourselves.
True friendship is not just about helping out someone in need; it is about knowing someone, flaws and all, and still wanting to stand by them. It is about being there through thick and thin, and it is a bond that is built on trust, respect, and loyalty. But finding true friends can be challenging, and we must be discerning in our alliances, so that we may find the ones who will stand by us in good times and bad.
The value of genuine friendship continues as an immeasurable richness and a crucial component of our lives in spite of the world's ongoing change and unpredictability. It is essential that we focus our efforts on establishing, maintaining, and exemplifying the qualities of true friendship. Let's cherish our friendships and take pleasure in the happiness and solace that they provide to our life.
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